My biggest weakness...

My biggest weakness is my family.  If they have to sacrifice then it's not worth the effort to me.  This week has been a challenge for that reason when it comes to exercise.  It has been rainy and cold so, not a good idea to pack the baby up in a stroller and go for a walk.  My seven year old has needed me at the school every day this past week.  Baby (ok really he's a toddler but I'm still in denial) has had strange sleeping habits and been crabby, needing me to sit and nurse him quite often.  These are not excuses, just what my life has been like this week.  My husband has been extra busy with searching for jobs and trying to put on some classes because he lost his largest paying client.  (this was a bitter sweet parting because this was a difficult client, creating more stress many times than the money was worth)  That being said he hasn't had the time to watch the kids so I could go out for a walk on my own. 

I have been creative and turned on music to dance with the baby.  I got a few bounces on the exercise trampoline in (with the baby helping me of course).  I did walk a half of a mile one morning before it started to rain.  When I had errands etc to do I parked as far as I could from the door so I got a little walk in there too.  I'm not sure this all added up to much.  It was something, though not as satisfying as my four to five mile daily walks were.  (my seven year old's school is 2-2.5 miles away and I was walking there and then home again later, almost every day when the weather was nice) 

I would love to make a solid plan, like get up every day before everyone and get a good 20-30 min time on the exercise trampoline etc.  Unfortunately though the needs of my family might not fit in to my plan and then I will feel frustrated.  The baby seems to have a mom-dar that goes off when my feet hit the floor.  Some mornings I do get some quiet time alone and on those mornings the trampoline will be my workout buddy.  On the other days I will just take it one day at a time with the goal of doing something active.  I don't know how to not put my family and their needs first.  I'm not in a hurry to lose the weight, this is journey to get and stay healthy.  If I continue to lose 1lb a week then, in two years I will be a lot thinner and healthier.  I'm in this journey for the long haul this time not just a quick fix.  It's all about lifestyle. 

Friday- Food day

One of my favorite foods =) I try to limit myself to sharing half of an avocado a day with my toddler.  Sometimes he allows me several bites and other days I'm lucky to get a bite or two in.  Here he is after eating a "cado". 

 Packing over 300 calories and 30|+ grams of fat you'd think this food would be taboo for those watching their weight or trying to loose.  Think again:

  (cut and pasted directly from http://whatscookingamerica.net/avacado.htm)

Avocados and weight loss (dieting) programs:

The following information is from The Avocado and Human Nutrition. I. Some Human Health Aspects of the Avocado, by Bob Bergh, Department of Botany and Plant Sciences, University of California:

Weight control - Contrary to popular assumptions, the avocado can be a helpful part of a successful weight-management program. It brings several advantages.

Its monounsaturated fat speeds up the basal metabolic rate, as compared with saturated fat.

Its high fat content gives a quicker feeling of satiation ("fullness"), thus helping to reduce overeating.

Its high fat content makes an overall sound diet more palatable, reducing the temptation to binge on foods high in sugars or saturated fats.

Its rich supply of vitamins and minerals also makes the diet more wholesome and satisfying and thus more conducive to overall health.

Weigh in Wednessday week 3

Weight loss= -1.0 lb (slow and steady wins the race)

Goals

I have to be honest and admit that the rain has thrown off my water intake a little.  It started raining a few days ago and I have struggled to get the water down since.  I've gotten most of the way there on most days.

The rain has thrown a kink in to my exercise as well.  I have still done something active everyday even if it's to turn on the radio and dance with the kids.We don't have a gym membership (can't afford it right now) and as much as I don't mind walking in the rain, I always have a toddler with me and it's not good for him to be out in cold and rain.  My husband is great but is so busy trying to make ends meet that he doesn't have time during daylight hours to watch the kid.  I am trying to be creative in doors. 

I keep eating more and more veggies every day.  They have become my go to snack.  I have been putting a plate of them on the table before I start cooking dinner and the kids know if they are hungry they can have whatever they want off of that plate but don't go in the kitchen and bug mom.  Yesterday it was almost empty by the time I got dinner on the table!  I was super happy about that.  If there is one food I don't mind my kids pigging out on, it's veggies.  

I decided to add one more thing to my goals list so that I don't start eating comfort foods at night.  That is to not eat anything after 7:30 PM. 

Emotional eating

Emotional eating has attributed for the majority of my weight gain.  I need to face this enemy head on if I am going to conquer the weight once and for all.  This weekend as I am working through some tragic news, have a dreaded meeting at my daughter's school on Monday and my monthly friend is lurking, due to arrive momentarily, this enemy seems to be hot on my trail, wanting to take me down with each opening of the cupboards or fridge.  Here is my plan of attack:

Keep fresh veggies cut up on the counter for a quick snack (I know I am going to put something in my mouth to try to seek comfort so it might as well be beneficial to my health.  I am also one to go for the quickest thing to grab and stuff into my mouth when and emotional hunger hits.)

Make reasonable substitutes for my comfort foods.  If I completely deny myself during emotional times when I feel the need to eat something sweet and creamy or crunchy and salty then I will inevitable end up binging.  If I can find a substitute that will satisfy with out adding endless calories then I will not sabotage my weight loss goals.  I need to learn lifelong ways to cope and lets face it since food has always been my go to way to get through emotional times, it's not going to just change over night. 

Here are some examples of making substitutions with my favorite comfort foods and their substitute:
 Ice cream (I absolutely love the stuff) I substitute the regular fat laden stuff with a Skinny Cow ice cream sandwich (these are delicious and low calorie, high fiber, low fat and pre-portioned)
Fru-fru coffee drinks (I adore coffee and a warm caramel machiatto, some days can be the best comfort food for me.  These pack a ton of calories though)  My substitute is a skinny caramel latte (skim milk and sugar free caramel syrup take the fat and calories down to reasonable treat.)
Cheetos or Sour Cream and Cheddar Ruffles (these take care of that salty crunchy craving oh so well)  I substitute with the baked ones and whenever possible buy them in the snack size bags so that they are pre-portioned to keep me from overindulging.
Triskets and Nutella (the BEST way to treat a craving for something sweet and salty) I don't have a substitute for this but try to measure out a certain amount and make sure to exercise to make up for it
Chocolate- I do best when I substitute dark for milk chocolate because I get more satisfaction from the dark rich flavor and don't end up eating as much.  There are less carbs in dark chocolate and it contains flavonoids which are great antioxidants. 

Plan out meals so that again, I don't just grab the quickest thing that might not be good for me


Make a trip to the exercise tramp (or if it's feasible go for a walk) before hitting the kitchen and then after five minutes of jumping, let myself have whatever I still might be craving.

Drink water before eating because I tend to feel like I "need" something and assume that it's food when really I just need water. 


If any of you battle emotional eating as well, I'd love to hear any tips you may have.

Friday- Food day

Today I thought I'd post some photos of my favorite snacks:

2 wedges of laughing cow light with and apple

 pears and cottage cheese

 chips and mango peach salsa

 I have to measure out a serving to keep from eating half of the bag or the whole container of salsa

 Here is my favorite way to eat veggies, raw with no dip

(Every one of these if gluten free by the way)  Happy snacking! =)

Weigh in Wednessday week 2

Weight loss= -1.0lbs (I was hoping for more but it's progress baby)

Goals

64 oz a day of H2O.  (I did great with this, with the exception of Sunday when we were at the pumpkin patch all day.  Porta-potties need I say more?)

veggies-ate lots and love them (it's amazing to me how I had to make a conscience effort to get them in because I feel so good when I eat them and I love veggies)

exercise- Most days I walked at least 4 miles (it's a two mile walk to Bekah's school so many days I walked there and back), Thursday was a wash and Friday I had errands but chose the farthest parking spot each place so I got some walking in.  (If you don't think that is exercise try making your way through the cars and people in the Costco parking lot on pay day)   We had some great family outings this weekend and I am making progress at making regular activity a part of our lives. 

Family outing

If you read about Thursday, it was a wash all around, too much stress to put the effort out to exercise.  It was a beautiful fall day yesterday so I decided to make up for the bad day by taking the family out on a nice hike.  We walked about 5.5 miles (or so).  The trail we chose is 3.1 miles one way but we started up a ways from one end. 

It took us about 2 hrs to travel down and back.  The weather couldn't have been more perfect 68 and sunny!  There was a crispness to the air that kept us from getting too hot a sweaty as we walked.  It felt so good to be outdoors together as a family!  

When we got home we enjoyed some pulled pork that I made in the crock pot.  Everyone else had a sandwich but I made mine into a nice salad.  (greens, cucumber, snap peas, grape tomatoes, pineapple and pork- the bbq sauce made a great dressing)   

Here are some photos of our walk:

Friday- Food day

I decided to make Fridays, the day I post about food.  When  trying to loose weight, life seems to revolve around food.  I am a big believer that everything should be permissible, in moderation of course, unless  medical reasons like celiac or allergies come in to play.  I think when something becomes taboo, we focus more on what we can't have than we do what we can.  One of my favorite go to meal replacement or snacks to keep me going for quite some time is a smoothie.  Here is the recipe for my favorite:

Blueberry Smoothie

1 cup coconut milk
1/2 cup plain yogurt (you can use vanilla to make it sweeter)
1 cup frozen blueberries
1 scoop (2 Tablespoons) protein powder (I use brown rice protein powder or milk and egg because I need to avoid soy for the most part)
Put all ingredients in a blender and blend until smooth.  If you need more flavor you can add splenda or crystal light drink mix to taste with out adding calories, fat or carbs. 

Nutritional Information for the whole thing

300 calories
5g fat
40 g carb
6g fiber
22g  protein

Coming out of the Closet

I am a closet eater.  At parties and social gatherings, I hardly eat a thing.  I don't want to make a spectacle of myself and I don't want to run in to the food police.  If the fat girl doesn't eat in front of people, the fat girl does not get judged.  I have overheard things like "how does she expect to lose weight when she eats that?" etc.  I eat healthy for the most part.  I love fresh fruit and veggies!  I eat a lot of low fat, high fiber food (my portions need some work). 

When no one is looking though, that is when I indulge.  Not huge binges but that is when I eat sugary, fatty foods, when I am stressed an no one is watching.  I'll get fries at the drive through or grab a candy bar at the store that I stick in my purse to be eaten in the car before I get where I am going etc. 

I knew when I began, that this blog might not be so pretty but I am here to honestly take the weight off once and for all.

Read about my day and then fast forward to just after I wrote the letter to the principal when I quietly excused my self from my hubby and kids to "go do something".   I went in to the pantry and got the box of candy down from the top shelf and comforted my stress with chocolate.   6 fun size candy bars later and a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach made me realize I had to come out and admit my short coming.  I am a junky.  It's sick!  I have an addiction that I need to overcome.  I will do this for my husband (he is amazing and still sees me as beautiful with all of the extra weight) I will do this for my kids.  I will do this for my self.

Weigh in Wednesday week 1

Today is going to be my weekly weigh-in and progress chart.

Weight loss = 0.0lbs loss (no gain though)

Goals
water- 64 oz a day minimum = so far so good
veggies at least 3 servings a day = yep, doing good on this one
exercise at least 20 min each day = Sunday I gave a baby shower and did 10 min on the exercise tramp but then the last two days have walked 4 miles each day and plan on that the next two days as well.  I am hoping the weather holds up for a while.  I love walking outdoors in the sunshine!

My story

As I walk down the path of losing this weight, I feel like I need to share my story, how I ended up here from my point of view.  I was a chubby little kid.  When I was in sixth grade "grew into" my weight.  I stayed on the more normal end of things (although in my eyes I was still chubby as I was a size 7 and many other girls my age were a 3 or smaller) for the next several years and all through high school.  

I got married not long after I graduated and the added stress of managing a home and being married (I adore my husband don't get me wrong but being a wife as a teenager can be a little stressful), added the pounds.  I gained the freshman 15 plus about 10 or so pounds.  Birth control pills, I think, contributed to this excess weight gain.  Three years later, I found out I was expecting our first child.  This was a bit of a surprise to us as we were hoping to wait another couple of years for my husband to finish school and I had still been taking the pill but God had other plans and I am so glad He did.  Pregnancy, for me, was a license to eat anything and everything I wanted and then some.  I had always heard the phrase "eating for two" and seen movies where the pregnant lady can't seem to quench her appetite.  Losing the weight I was gaining, after baby was born never crossed my mind.  I thought this was normal and the weight would just disappear, after all I would be nursing and that burns a ton of calories from what I have been told.

After my son was born and the weight from the placenta etc was gone, I now carried around an additional 30ish pounds.  I was our primary bread winner so I had to go back to work.  Nursing was important to me so I would go on my lunch break to nurse my son, leaving only time to scarf down a quick burger from the drive through on my way back to work.  When I look back at how I was eating, I'm surprised that I didn't gain any weight.  I certainly didn't lose any though.  When my son was 2, I began to lose a little weight.  I got down below 200 lbs and then found out I was pregnant with baby 2.  Determined not to make the same mistake twice, I walked a lot and ate much healthier this time around.  Then, came the nursing and demanding baby and I was too exhausted to even think about exercise.  My husband decided to go back to school when the baby was about 8 months old. He had to be on campus which was a three hour drive from our home.  His school would only take about 6 months to finish and it seemed silly to relocate for such a short period of time.  We decided it would be best for him to get a dorm room and commute, coming home on the weekends to be together as a family.  The evenings were a bit lonely for me, so after the kids were in bed, I would comfort and entertain myself by eating.  My weight began to creep up, unbeknown to me.  I remember stepping on the scale at a friends house, completely overwhelmed at the number I saw on the scale.  I had gained nearly 20 lbs in that time.

When my husband was finished with school he got a very good paying job and we indulged in eating out quite frequently.  Again the scales were tipping and I was pretty much unaware.  When our second child was three, I began to work to get the weight off.  I joined Weight Watchers and was successful at losing 50 lbs.  Again, I was under 200 and found my self pregnant. This time a total surprise as we had been thinking we might be done having children and had started giving our baby stuff away.  I walked and ate healthy through this pregnancy as well.  I ended up being only about 10 lbs off of my pre-pregnancy weight.  I was able to keep that weight off until we decided to sell our house.  My husband had signed up for the military and we would be moving to Florida.  I was told to set the table and leave treats out for the people who would be touring our home.  So I had a bowl of chocolate sitting  on the table at all times and  it was just too easy to grab one or two each time I passed by.  I would also put cookies in the oven to bake so the house smelled wonderful to potential buyers.  Once they were gone and the kids and I came home to a house smelling of cookies, we would indulge in the cookies that were left.  The weight began to creep up again.

We moved to Florida and there I walked around the base a lot and ate fairly healthy and the pounds just stuck like glue.  They were not motivated to go anywhere. After my husband's military training was done, we moved back to our hometown and there the weight crept up again as the weather here is rainy a lot of the time and there was added stress of living on an extremely tight budget.   When our youngest was about 3.5 or 4, I began walking more regularly and trying to eat less and the weight started to come off and, yep you guessed it I found myself pregnant again.  I was able to keep my weight down with this pregnancy and ended up about the same weight after.  I had gestational diabetes this time around and really had no choice but to eat extremely healthy.  During my baby's first year of life I gained about 5 lbs which I was not complaining about.  Less than a month after he turned one, my second youngest was diagnosed with a severe autoimmune disease where we have to give her injections several times a day to keep her alive.  The stress of this is immeasurable.  I have gained 20 lbs in the last 6 months because I not only comfort myself with food but my body retaliates against losing any weight when I am stressed.  That brings me to current, where I know I NEED to do something about this battle with the bulge and this time I will come out the winner.  I will be victorious over this weight and unhealthy place I find myself in.  

10-10-10 the journey begins

The journey really has been life long as I have struggled with my weight since I was a kid. I decided that this was going to be the final time that I say goodbye to the pounds and they aren't allowed back. I need to get healthy and I need to take time for me. I always feel selfish concentrating on myself. This is for me but it is for my family just as much as it is for me this time. Six months ago, my daughter was dx with life long autoimmune disease that is difficult to manage and I have let myself go as I have cared for her. I have added 20 lbs to myself in that time. I decided that today is the day I start making better choices and concentrating on health. My daughter needs me to be my best and for me to be an example of good health to help keep any possible complications from her illness at bay.

My goal is to lose at least 50 lbs ultimately 90 would be a great place to be.

To do this I will exercise (beginning with a minimum of 20 min EVERY day)
I will drink more water (a minimum of 64 oz)
I will eat healthier (a minimum of 3 servings of veggies a day)
I will weigh in once a week, I will call in Weigh In Wednesday

I started this blog because I need a place just for me. My other blog has become a place where I write about my family esp my daughter and our struggles with her disease. I'm not sure who will find this blog and read it. I'm thinking about making it private but if I think someone is reading it then I feel like I have someone to be accountable to. Maybe as I lose the weight, I will encourage others who are on a similar journey.

Here is where I started 241...It's an ugly number but I have to be honest, it was the number staring back at me when I stepped on the scale this morning. I have to start somewhere and today that is where I begin...