Time to reflect...

I have been sick with the worst cold I can ever remember having over the past few days and it has given me time to think.  My last post was pure frustration that the weight is not melting off.  I am working hard and I need to give my self credit for what I am doing.  I was also a bit disillusioned as I looked in the mirror on my birthday that my middle was saggier than I remember.  I have to be realistic.  I have had four pregnancies and four c-sections so there is extra skin there and as the fat goes the skin is going to hang a bit.  I don't like the way it looks but I have to trust that the skin will catch up to the rest of me...eventually.

Last time I was at the doc, she mentioned having me come back to retest my thyroid because she didn't like what she saw.  I had lost that sentence until I was sitting in bed sick and realized that my body may be working against me.  My mom and my sister both take thyroid medication.  It may not be what is going on but I need to get it checked out just in case.  Until then I will keep working hard to become and stay healthy as I balance my busy life. 

Health is so much more that just the outer appearance of ones body.  I could go on and on about all of the things that health entails.  Each of us have to answer that for ourselves.  What does health look like in my own life and how am I going to strive to find it?

As we wrap up 2010 and move on to 2011, I will probably not continue to be consistent in blogging here and have purchased a journal as a more private way to work through the stuff in my head when it come to my weight.  This particular blog has brought a lot of pain in to my life with comments etc that I don't need. (not published)  I do appreciate those of you that have been supportive and I thank-you for that.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year! 

half ass

Today is my birthday.  I went to get my annual eggnog latte treat for my bday ( a treat I only allow myself once a year on my birthday) after I dropped the kids off at school and decided to pop in and try on some clothes.  Other than a cure for diabetes (esp T1), my wedding ring back (long story- it's lost forever), and the kids to have a good Christmas, there isn't anything I want for my birthday and need is such a relative term.  (Although my family is low income in American standards compared to the majority of the world we are rich!)  I decided to help my husband out by finding an outfit or two that I might like to have.  Normally when clothes shopping, I just grab a top from the clearance rack and I'm on my way.  Today though I wanted to see how the whole outfit looked together (top layered under a cardigan, jeans and boots).  I was more than disillusioned at what I saw in the mirror.  I like to pretend that I am thinner than I am.  I rarely get a full length view so it's easy to not think about it.  I realized that although I have kept from gaining and 5-7 lbs is gone depending on when and where I weigh, I have been giving this weigh loss thing a half assed effort.  I am not a half assed person (lol there is a lot of junk in my trunk) you either get the full deal or nothing.  I know I can do better.  I don't want to jump on the bandwagon with everyone else on Jan 1 and say "this year..."  It's a life long thing for me, not a this year thing and this is not a wagon I can afford to fall off of.  I am clinging to it but haven't been as serious as I really need to be.  For the next few weeks I will be sorting through how to balance taking care of my husband and kids, including teenagers that give me attitude, a child with type one diabetes that requires constant brain waves working to keep her healthy, a toddler who seems to be allergic to sleep and needs to exert his will very loudly at that and taking care of me, doing what needs to be done to get this weight off and get healthy, how to put my whole ass in, if you will! 

Weigh in Wednesday (lost track of the week)

Today is not Wednesday (if you haven't noticed) but yesterday I just did not want to step on a scale.  Today's weigh in is brought to you by Hershey's Candy Cane Kisses.  Up a pound and I blame it on these amazing little buggars.  I bought them for Bekah's lunches and David's potty treats (the kids in general).  I made the mistake of "tasting" one.  Ha!  We've all heard the saying "you can't eat just one"  Very true of these.  My advice to you is don't even go there.  Walk away from the bag, unless you too want to be wearing these around your waist line.  If that didn't work then visualize your hips with a bag of these lumpy cellulite looking things strapped them.  Yeah I thought that might do the trick.  If you have some calories to spare or an extra work out in mind then these babies are worth it! It's like you died and went to peppermint heaven .  Ok I better stop before I decide to "taste" another.

oops!

Less screen time is proving to be my friend in the weight loss dept.  I am down 7 lbs even with Thanksgiving.  Once I get blogs read and catch up on FB there is little to no time left to blog.  Wednesday came and went and now it is Friday.  So I leave you with a picture that is worth a thousand words of yumminess!