half ass

Today is my birthday.  I went to get my annual eggnog latte treat for my bday ( a treat I only allow myself once a year on my birthday) after I dropped the kids off at school and decided to pop in and try on some clothes.  Other than a cure for diabetes (esp T1), my wedding ring back (long story- it's lost forever), and the kids to have a good Christmas, there isn't anything I want for my birthday and need is such a relative term.  (Although my family is low income in American standards compared to the majority of the world we are rich!)  I decided to help my husband out by finding an outfit or two that I might like to have.  Normally when clothes shopping, I just grab a top from the clearance rack and I'm on my way.  Today though I wanted to see how the whole outfit looked together (top layered under a cardigan, jeans and boots).  I was more than disillusioned at what I saw in the mirror.  I like to pretend that I am thinner than I am.  I rarely get a full length view so it's easy to not think about it.  I realized that although I have kept from gaining and 5-7 lbs is gone depending on when and where I weigh, I have been giving this weigh loss thing a half assed effort.  I am not a half assed person (lol there is a lot of junk in my trunk) you either get the full deal or nothing.  I know I can do better.  I don't want to jump on the bandwagon with everyone else on Jan 1 and say "this year..."  It's a life long thing for me, not a this year thing and this is not a wagon I can afford to fall off of.  I am clinging to it but haven't been as serious as I really need to be.  For the next few weeks I will be sorting through how to balance taking care of my husband and kids, including teenagers that give me attitude, a child with type one diabetes that requires constant brain waves working to keep her healthy, a toddler who seems to be allergic to sleep and needs to exert his will very loudly at that and taking care of me, doing what needs to be done to get this weight off and get healthy, how to put my whole ass in, if you will!